Youth in academia; a retention in life’s lessions … a personal essay

April 14, 2012

Was I that filled with “attitude” all those years ago? Maybe so, it escapes me … I am however – trying to remember. How to be away from home – the first time ever, without anyone, to really tell you how to act when your backs against the wall, to show the world … how together your act really was; I am however trying – trying to remember.

Was I that filled with “conviction” all those years ago? Maybe so, it escapes me … I am however – trying to remember. How to escape a past – I wanted so badly, to leave behind, to act like that part of me never happened, to show my peers … this is me – now; I am however trying – to remember.

Was I that filled with “stance” all those years ago? Maybe so, it escapes me … I am however – trying to remember. How did I compete with my academic brothers and sisters – the same caliber as me, or better, or educationally smarter, or with money to spend … can I fit to; I am however trying – trying to remember.

Was I that filled with “doubt” all those years ago? Maybe so, it escapes me … I am however – trying to remember. How did I bring myself to level – to walk down the pavilion and a few people call out to me, or invite me to “pal” with them – to the afternoon game; I am however trying – to remember.

Was I filled with “alone” all those years ago? Maybe so, it escapes me … I am however – trying to remember. How did I release myself from that “silence” – to be among the living, to not be scared to let go that “shell” – I was caught in; I am however trying – trying to remember.

——————

I do remember, how it was all those years ago. I empathise … however, I feel no sympathy.

I want to tell my much younger peers how tough life can really be, that their time here in educational “pergatory” should be some of the greatest times ever. Take this time to live, laugh, love, learn and have a bigtime – do not, however, dishonor themselves or the people that care for them.

Thats what I want to tell’m!

But, maybe … ignorance is bliss!  “Yes, it probably is!”

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